How to survive the cold

Story by Alex O'Gorman, staff writer

Humans may be warm blooded, but that doesn’t stop some of us from being utterly intolerant of the cold. This genetic screw up that will hopefully be fixed in the future by natural selection is what prevents a good deal of the population from enjoying the Holidays. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is not freezing to death, after all. This list will hopefully help you to do just that.

1. Bundle up

Skin exposure to the cruel and oh so cold outside world can be disastrous. Limiting this contact is the obvious first step in not freezing to death, but how? The solution is simple: sweaters. They provide warmth with an added benefit of being super cute and fashionable. Once you’ve stocked up on an infinite amount of these, you can concentrate on less important things like scarves, hats, gloves and jackets.

2. Drink warm beverages

Everyone is afraid of being a stereotypical white girl, but sometimes it’s necessary. Overpriced Starbucks drinks may be the difference between a miserable cold existence and one that is content yet slightly affronted at outrageous coffee prices.

3. Close unused rooms

No matter how extravagant your house may be, some things are better left behind closed doors. Literally. Shutting the door to unused rooms gives heat less places to spread out to, and makes any rooms that are left open warmer. Science!

4. Lay down a rug

Laying down a rug helps to insulate heat throughout the room, and will make your toes thankful for being not numb for once. Want to know how this works? So do I, but I’m just going to chalk this one down once again to science.

5. Buy a heating pad or electric blanket

This may be an unfavorable option for some because it requires going to a store and making a purchase. If you’ve already exhausted this entire list, though, and you have yet to find a solution, a heated blanket or pad may be your only option.

6. Move

It’s time to reconsider your decision to live in such a cold and unfriendly planet such as the one we currently inhabit. Mercury is a far better option.