Locking up Claus

Saint Nick pays for his crimes

Santa+Claus+is+one+of+the+most+widely+known+holiday+figures+in+the+media.

Photo by Peyton Sims

Santa Claus is one of the most widely known holiday figures in the media.

Story by Aislyn Echols, opinion editor

Santa Claus is one of the most widely known holiday figures in the media. Children jump for joy when they hear that this jolly Christmas figure has visited their home in the night while they dreamed of sugar plum fairies. Parents also have found this Christmas icon rather harmless, but should they be pushing their children to idolize a criminal?

This media icon has songs and movies made centering around him, people impersonating him and he gave a figurehead to the Christmas season. Though when Christmas rolls around, we tend to put on these red and green tinted glasses on and forget about all the crimes that this figure commits on his yearly run, so let’s review:

Invasion of privacy

“He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.” Before he even enters the homes of these children, he stalks them for an entire year leading up to Dec. 25. If someone told you that a rosy-cheeked, old, happy, fat man who lives off the grid in the North Pole is stalking your kid to see if they have been “naughty” or “nice,” most normal people would call the police. 

Jail time/fine: six months and up to $1,000

Trespassing

When he first arrives, Mr. Claus steps foot onto someone’s private property. Though not all kids live in privately-owned homes, many do. For those who do live on private grounds, Mr. Claus is knowingly stepping foot on private property without the owner’s prior permission.

Jail time/fine: 180 days and up to $2,000

Breaking and Entering

Mr. Claus enters the homes of children all around the globe to leave them gifts that they have earned for being, what he deems as, “nice.” Has he ever knocked? Has he ever asked these kids or their parents if he could come into their homes? No. He breaks into these innocent people’s homes to leave gifts without their consent.

Jail time/fine: one year jail time and up to $1,000 plus community service

Entering countries without a passport

In any of those songs or Christmas tales, do they ever recount Mr. Claus going through TSA? He travels from country to country in one night, but doesn’t show his passport once if he even has one. This man is illegally crossing borders through the night from country to country every year with no hesitation.

Jail time/fine: detention camps, deportation, fines and from 30 days to 10 years in prison and correctional facilities

Private aircraft entering the U.S.

St. Nick’s famous magic sleigh that he rides through the night is privately owned by him. However, this private chariot has not gone through the U.S. government system to check to make sure that it is ready for flight on U.S. soil. To have an unregulated, private aircraft flying through the air is dangerous for not only Mr. Claus but also the people he is flying over that he could injure if he crashes.

Jail time/fine: first offense $5,000 and every repeating offense $10,000

Flying without a license

After he gets off the ground in his unregistered chariot of death, Mr. Claus begins flying through the air, but where’s his licence? It takes a lot of time for airplane pilots to earn their wings, but Santa promises presents, and he is instantly exempt from flight training which is not fair or safe in my opinion.

Jail time/fine: three years and up to $250,000

Unpaid labor

Moving from Mr. Claus to his help, the elves work tireless hours to make presents for the kids of the world. Working their fingers to the bone behind the scenes to make Mr. Claus’s ride operate smoothly, for what? Do the elves get paid? What do the elves get out of this exchange? I’ll tell you — nothing.

Jail time/Fine: one year and $1,000 for each person

To have a joyous Christmas figure that has been celebrated for generations have such a heavy sentence every Christmas Eve is quite discouraging for an icon such as him. The fact that we as a society teach our children to welcome this convict with open arms is almost as upsetting as him committing these crimes in the first place. Though, there is one problem with delivering these convictions: how are we going to catch him?