Reality apes ruin American television

Reality apes ruin American television

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Story by Josh Klein, Staff Writer

It is fair to say that our generation is obsessed with worthless shows such as Jersey Shore, Chowder, and The Real Housewives of [Insert City]. The rise of the idiocracy in American television is astounding. I distinctly remember when entertainment had an indication of intelligence; however, nowadays, the TV is filled to the brim with morons screaming over shoes.

TV is not alone in this world overflowing with idiots. As of late, I think a baboon is running the film industry. Piranhas, Troll 2, and Shark-topus alone give me an image of a monkey throwing unspeakable things at film executives. So in this horrid barrage of unfathomable stupidity, the average teenager’s frontal lobe is malnourished and deprived of any creativity.

At its prime, TV was all about making us laugh and occasionally tugging on America’s heartstrings. Great shows such as Pete and Pete and Alfred Hitchcock are timeless masterpieces. The few shows of the same caliber are few and far between nowadays. TV has gone from projecting values to your family to projecting vomit upon your children.

When I pulled up Google and saw the top searches, I lost all faith in humanity. The results are ludicrous; Taylor Lautner beat out presidents and other people that actually contributed to society. The constant need to appeal to the ignorant masses is the reason why terrorists hate America.

Alas, hope is not entirely lost. New movies such as The Artist, and Hugo have given me faith that maybe we are not a lost cause. For every season of Toddlers in Tiaras, there is another 30 Rock, Downton Abbey, or Mad Men. These shows actually contain a storyline and have multiple layers. Even though the orangutans have some comedic value, they fall to the wayside to shows that actually contain sentient thought.

Everything “acceptable” does not have to have a huge twist or be on the verge of obscenely complex. Sherlock Holmes, Mission Impossible, and even Toy Story are exemplary movies. They are relatively easy to follow and each of them have captivated their audiences. They are also movies where one does not have to be an artsy movie critic to enjoy them. These films are simply great.

America does not need to follow the uncultivated, myopic apes on TV! America does not need to deteriorate into a mass of illiterate imbeciles. America needs shows that cause people to think and analyze, we do not need howling monkeys. If we are going to remedy the egregious offenses of American television, the monkeys need to be silenced.