Why I’d rather be stabbed in the face than read the Hunger Games

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Story by Josh Klein, Co-Viewpoint Editor

With the recent release of The Hunger Games DVD, the world has been abuzz with hype for the movie.  The hype is following the aftermath of the mediocre trilogy. The first book was actually pretty good, but as the series progressed, the quality of the stories quickly deteriorated.

The first installment of Suzanne Collins’ series featured a headstrong female protagonist that captured the hearts of the American populace. The next book was also relatively interesting; the main character returns to another arena to fight to the death and whatnot. However, the last book was horrible.

In the previous books the protagonist was charismatic, but she undergoes a change where she becomes a needy, little brat. The ending makes no sense, and it forces me to wonder what was going through the author’s head. In order to not spoil the ending, I can’t go into details about it. But, I can say that it is terrible, and it ruins the entire Hunger Games trilogy.  I’m now left wondering why I read the series in the first place.

The final book left a visceral feeling with me; it was so bad I actually threw my copy of Mockingjay against the wall. I like that book about the same as I like rabies and AIDS. Actually, that is an understatement; I like Mockingjay about as much as I like the Ebola virus. To allow a better understanding of my disdain for it, I made a list of activities I would rather do than have to read Mockingjay again.

I would rather:

Get stabbed… In the face

Share a sleeping bag with a grizzly

Gargle nails

Eat a bowl of wasps

Be locked in an elevator with the Antichrist

Use my face as an ironing board

In reference to the Hunger Games fanatics, I hate them like I hate the books. They are cool for a little while, and then everything goes downhill. Their constant reminder of this run of the mill trilogy is a nuisance

It seems we are going down the road of Twilight. Take a subpar book series, put some hot people in a movie, then profit off the minds of teenagers. The Hunger Games movies will evolve into the illegitimate child of Twilight and Mad Max that was never born.

The only thing worse than the actual story are the fans of the series. Is it necessary to proclaim your love for the movie at every opportunity? Is it necessary to shriek at the slightest mention of Peeta? The problem here is the cult mentality. As stated before, The Hunger Games is frightfully similar to the Twilight saga, and at the root of it is the same cult mentality of the fan base.

In a desperate plea to save what remains of my sanity, I ask the students of Texas High, nay, the students of America to gain some sense of composure. So when the next Hunger Games, Twilight, or Werepig movies come out, please remember that the characters are fictional. Therefore, it is completely ridiculous to argue over Jacob, Edward, Peeta, or Gale. Please stop before I end up in a sponge room banging my head against a wall.